DEBORAH COPAKEN KOGAN

I learned that no matter how well or badly you do in college, it doesn't matter that much as you grow older. Things I worried so much about in college either never came to pass, or at least they didn't deserve all of the attention I paid to them. I also know that bad advice or an ill-timed decision can have lasting repercussions. As an unemployed (just over three years now) single woman who recently turned sixty, I really dread what lies ahead. After working hard to save enough money to buy my own home, I'm now on the brink of losing it. Yes, I am feeling mighty sorry for myself. I never was married or had children or any of wonderful things that feminism promised, such as a wonderful career. I earned enough to get by until the rug was pulled out from under me. I spent years caring for an elderly parent with little reward or recognition. Instead of being rewarded for my service, I was penalized for it. So I am angry and bitter. I agree with the person who said that who you know is often more important than what you know. I would also add that people, especially women, should not underestimate the advantages and attraction, even the power, you have when you are young. Don't feel embarrassed or hesitant to exploit the, while you can. It sounds trite, but make hay while the sun shines. Don't assume marriage and a family will be waiting for you when you are ready for them. I don't know how you can do it all. I can't even list one important accomplishment in my life.

Simply this: to love unconditionally, without understanding.

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Gosh. I have learned so much from so many people -- Someone needs to write a manual of just how mysterious life is. What do I mean by that? Well, pay attention, pay serious attention to the list of people who you most connected with throughout your life. Pay attention to the profound connections and observe how they happen in the blink of an eye, appear to be beyond logic and reason, and yet make sense. Like love, like friendships and support that appear on the scene from those you would not necessarily expect. Let people surprise you. They will and it's not always pretty, but the uglier it gets, the more profound a lesson there is for you. Sometimes it's about you, it usually is not. I remember being fascinated by the hologram upon learning a little about it during college -- now it's as if it is everywhere -- I make an effort to see myself and everyone else holographically -- from so many different angles. Perhaps we are not that different, perhaps we are, who knows? I know I love learning, but of course I did not know that in college because I could not wait to get out of the educational system in order to have a "real life". Pay attention. Pay attention to who you miss and who you remember most vividly.

What has life taught me that college never could? There are no guarantees. In February of 2007 my husband and I welcomed to this planet a healthy baby girl. We spent 14 months navigating parenthood in NYC, planning music and art classes that our little one would soon participate in. But then our funny girl was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She went through brain surgery and 6 months of high dose chemotherapy with no guarantee that the cancer cells will be eradicated. No guarantee that our house won't burn down tonight... This sounds like a downer story, but this lesson has taught me to slow down and enjoy the path of life. And never be in a rush to get to pre-school-who cares! How much room do I have here? PS our daughter is still in remission

In college, you don't learn how young you are. How the things you agonize or triumph over are not usually life's biggies: mating, children, death, finances, etc. How lucky you are to be stressed out over calculus, to have the freedom to stay up all night working on a paper on Camus. But there are also things that did count those college years. it. The hangovers that kept you from organized sports The unprotected sex that led to the abortion. The friendships you upheld-- worked on, let grow around you after they were no longer easy-- now are girls who fly across the country for your big events, take your calls in the middle of the night. And only later do you realize that the name of your college will only carry you so far. The more you depend on it to forge,your identity, the bigger ass you will become.

College taught me to think...Life taught me to feel!

while performing at an orphanage in Ethiopia as part of a USNavy Band, I had a young girl come up to me and wrap her arms around my leg. She was covered in feces and urine, and her dress was tattered. When we had finished performing, we were invited inside the facility for a reception. I decided to bring the little girl with me. As I picked her up I noticed half her face was eaten away and I could see most of her little teeth through the side of her face. Inside, we were given punch and little wafer type cookies both which I gave to the young girl. She poured the drink in the side of her face, and the cookies she put in her dress. At that point one of the staff at the facility came over, picket her up, shock her til the cookies fell out and physically threw her out the door. I was livid and asked why in the world he would do that? His response was that she would have been injured or even killed by the other children to get the cookies had she been allowed to go outside with them. What I learned was that life is not fare. We are here for a brief moment in time ad while we are here it is most important that we care for the children of the world. It is our job to love and nuture them all. What we can learn from them is purity of heart.they are born pure, it is we who cause them to lose that gift from God. Blessed are the pure at heart, for they shall see God!

College, especially Graduate school, were the happiest years of my life. I made lifelong friends and it prepared me for a good career. It was only after college that I learned how strong and resilient one can be. Certainly there have been moments of great happiness, but as a marriage failed, a sibling died, parents age, and I myself turned 60, I realize how gracefully I have dealt with the good and the bad that life gives us all. I am proud of myself for learning from all my experiences and not letting the bad ones destroy my life.

What college doesn't teach you is that loyalty is not a two-way street and that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. To stay vital in this world as we grow older, we must constantly rewrite our lives.

No matter how well you do with your studies in college, going there can never give you the self confidence that you gain from living life. Even with that thought, however, I still highly value the years that I spent in college and believe that as many people as possible should get at least some college education.

Although there can be great diversity on a college campus, it is still just a created environment. There is more common ground in your background knowledge, work ethic, and goals than in the 'real' world. There are many challenges, but there is a defined end. If you hate your roommate, you know you only have to put up with them for a certain period of time.

Life, at least mine, has a tendency to throw you in with a much larger variety of people with vastly differing backgrounds and opinions. Learning how to successfully form a sense of community with so many conflicting ideals takes time, experience, and a whole lot of patience. Making (or directing) the compromises to work and live with a group of people you might not like, but can't walk away from because of circumstance can't be taught. My Psych degree has helped at times, but being 'thrown in the deep end' sure taught me faster!

In college, you learn how to do things right. In life, you learn how to do the right things.

Few things in this life cannot be "undone." Even the things we think of as "big" decisions. Altho it is hard and not what anyone intends, marriages can be "undone" by divorce; homes can be sold; you can move to change cities; jobs can be changed. But having CHILDREN. There's no UNDO for that. They are wonderful, frustrating, life-changing, inspiring, confusing, etc. I wouldn't trade mine for the world. But once you are a parent, you are a parent for life.

I never knew until I started working full-time that it was possible NOT to procrastinate. I didn't know that work could be fulfilling rather than frustrating. I didn't know that student life wasn't the best thing in the world.

Life is all about the relationships you keep - platonic, romantic, professional - every flavor. Nurture them when needed and recognize when you have to let them go. Don't ignore or blow off either option. Also, life actually is way too short and you will indeed be like your parents.

Life post-college can teach you humility pretty quickly. Once you're through an interview process and hired, you better not rest on your (academic) laurels. In the best and worst way you have a chance to prove yourself every day. Your boss won't care whether you're an ivy league grad or a community college grad if you screw up something major.

There isn't one right path to take in life. In college, you spend time getting from point A (first semester, freshman year) to point B (graduation). Everything in between leads you to that point. In life, your path may stray or twist and turn. You'll probably veer off course or take an entirely new route. You may not stick with the career you went to college for or the city you thought you would live in. Life will be full of surprises and changes that will throw you wildly off-course (and you’ll have to figure it out yourself, no guidance counselors). Instead of being afraid of the change, embrace it and think of everything as a new opportunity. Oh, and, you might have to move back in with your parents/guardian after graduation…don’t feel bad about that. Sometimes we need a little time in order to fully stand on our own two feet.

Finding happiness has little to do with where you went to college, or what you majored in, or what your GPA was. The smartest, loveliest person I ever knew went to an Ivy League college, was incredibly accomplished, and seemed to have it all. I will never understand why she took her own life.

Who you know is often far more important than what you know. Outside of academia, personal connections will often get someone a lot further than their level of knowledge or the skills they possess, and this can be both bad and good.